3 months/6 months

October 4 was Gus' 3-month birthday by due date, and October 11 was his 6-month birthday by birth date.

Any way you slice it, he's doing great. He had a follow-up with the cardiologist which showed his PDA at microscopic levels. Bottom line is that the prospect of corrective heart surgery in his future is looking less likely. So we're very happy about that.

And he's just feeling like a regular baby. He's rolled over a few times and is very smiley. His Occupational and Physical Therapy check-ups (don't ask me the difference in this context) have gone well. We have certain exercises we do with him, and it was recommended we get a Bumbo to build his upper body and neck strength. But, like I said, he's just our very chunky baby (over 12 pounds now).

Here are some pictures. Just remember, the camera adds 10 ounces.

1 month/4 months

Gus is four months old today. Last Saturday, he was one month.

So, yes, we're still caught in the preemie time warp.

But, overall, we're doing well. We're all getting into a routine, at least to the extent that we can truly plan anything. And Jamie and I are trying to take some time for ourselves each week to preserve whatever semblance of sanity we had in the first place. In a week, we're going to Vermont for a week and a half or so, though I'll actually be coming back to Maine for the middle portion (to work). Of course, that will mean time alone as well (don't quite remember what that's like) and a chance to read the last Harry Potter (no spoilers, please). Jamie will stay with the kids in Vermont (with my parents), so hopefully she'll get some her-time as well (not so subtle hint to the in-laws).

On a purely clinical level, Gus is also doing well. He's 9.5 pounds, as of last Monday (downright chunky, as you'll see in the pictures); he passed his last eye exam just fine; he passed his carseat test (which he had failed before leaving the hospital), so he's out of the carbed and into a regular carseat. That was kind of essential for the trip to Vermont. We didn't like driving anywhere with him before.

So that's that. The hospital is pretty much a faint memory. He's just our baby now and Wyatt's little brother. Speaking of Big Brother Wyatt, I think he's taking a shine to the little guy. Actually, for the most part, they keep out of each other's business, so everything's copacetic except when there's an attention deficit (not enough attention to go around). But we're all settling into our roles. Speaking of which, I need to go feed the wriggling blob on my chest. He can get ornery when he's hungry, and mom's at the store.

Besides, all you really care about are the pictures anyway:

3 Months Old

Last Wednesday (July 11) Gus turned three months old. While I'm training myself to focus more on his due date (as I said last time), it's also hard not to consider the changes that occur at three months. I remember from the birthing class Jamie and I took before Wyatt was born that three months is supposed to mark some sort of awakening in infants, where they truly become aware of their surroundings. And with Wyatt, I distinctly remember that happening. It was like a switch had flipped.

Sure enough, on Tuesday night I looked at Gus and he looked at me, and there just seemed to be this glimmer that wasn't there before. And he reached out and touched my beard a number of times (a memorable milestone with Wyatt).

Needless to say, we're all making good progress. Gus is nursing almost exclusively now and continuing to gain weight just fine (he's up to 7.5 pounds at last weigh-in). I still give him a bottle first thing in the morning, so Jamie can sleep in a little and so he can get vitamin drops. We're all generally getting about as much sleep as can be expected -- Jamie's up with him once overnight and then I get up at around 5:30 to feed him and get ready for work. The hardest thing is going to bed at a decent hour, though I tend to nod off on the couch at around 10:00 no matter what.

I think Wyatt's getting used to Gus being here and the idea that he isn't leaving. But the baby isn't exactly a source of much entertainment for him, nor a good playmate. But he's relatively happy doing his own thing when Jamie has to tend to Gus.

Very thankfully, my parents were here for the past two weeks, which gave Jamie and Gus enough time to work out breastfeeding. She and "the boys" had their first solo days last Thursday and Friday and they went smoothly. But I'm definitely going to have to make more of an effort to leave work on time -- I know how much I eagerly awaited Jamie's return from work when I was home with Wyatt. And that was with just one, her usually arriving by 4:15.

I'll keep you posted, but I'd say we're officially settled in.

Independence Day

Today is Gus' official due date.

That's really important for us, because up until now, it just didn't feel like he was supposed to be here. There was certainly no denying his presence, but it was hard not to look at him and think that he wouldn't "normally" be going through everything he was experiencing -- from eating to seeing (as much as he has) to breathing.

But now it feels like he's had a head start on all of those things, though it was just practice. Starting today, everything counts. "They" say that, developmentally, you should go by preemies' due dates. Meaning that even though he's almost three months old, he's still got that new baby smell. And we're not going to expect him to roll over any time soon. Though if you pitted him against any July 4th newborns, I guarantee he'd kick their butts on the Apgar. Bring it on, estimated 365,000 babies born today!

Day 5

I was saying to my friend Sue the other day (via e-mail) that despite all the energy focused on Gus for the past two months, his arrival home made him feel like an interloper in our little family of three.

But I'm happy to say that feeling has disappeared, as we knew it would. We're now a family of four.

The nights have been pretty good -- no repeats of Night 1. Gus had a follow-up eye exam yesterday, which showed that the mild ROP which had been diagnosed in the hospital (completely normal for a preemie) seems to be improving on its own. The visiting nurse came again yesterday, and he's up to 6 lbs. 13 oz. So even though breastfeeding hasn't been going smoothly (though it is improving), he's getting everything he needs.

Anyway, as promised, here are a few pictures from the day of Gus' homecoming until now.

Night Number 2

I'm not going to give you a blow-by-blow every night, but I wanted to let you know that last night went more smoothly than the first. At the very least, Wyatt didn't wake up. Unfortunately, nursing still wasn't working out as well as we'd like, so we may move to bottle for now (at night). And Gus likes to grunt a lot in his sleep. That did keep Jamie and me up a little bit, though, as usual, Jamie got the brunt of the sleeplessness. Yes, I will be doing some of the bottles.

Of course, that was just one night, too. I'm sure there are any number of variations we'll experience.

He had his first doctor's visit with our regular pediatrician today, and that went well. He's up to 6 lbs 12 ounces (by their scale, anyway). It does seem unlikely that he would have gained four ounces in a day, especially the way he's been eating. And he's 19.5 inches long, for anyone keeping score.

I'll send some pictures soon. Just know that we're doing fine.

Safe and Sound

Just wanted to let you all know that we made it home fine on Sunday. Everyone is adjusting to the new arrangement, but we're generally doing pretty well. Gus isn't nursing quite as vigorously as he was in the hospital, but he gained the proper amount of weight over the past day (on ounce), according to the visiting nurse we saw today. So that puts him at 6.5 pounds.

And big brother Wyatt is being very gentle and taking lots of interest in what Gus is up to. He's pushing some boundaries but not really acting jealous of attention Gus is getting. He's just being two, really. And I think he's happy to have his mother home, even if she can't be with him constantly.

And our friend Tess loaned us a great sling called Tenaya's Dream. Unfortunately, I can't find any good pictures of it. I guess it's just made by a stay-at-home mom. And it essentially consists of a long stretch of cotton that you wrap around you in a Double Windsor. Needless to say, I can't figure it out, but Jamie loves it. It keeps Gus in just the right position and tightly held against her chest, leaving her hands free. It's going to be indispensable when I go back to work next week. Though my parents are coming back from New Jersey for one-to-two more weeks of pitching in.

The biggest challenges so far have been feedings and sleeping. Well, sleeping at night, for any of us. Really, it wasn't that bad, but we were all up from 2:30 till 4:00 in the morning last night. Wyatt was very interested in Gus eating (more so than Gus, really), so we needed to get him his own milk. Tonight, I'll have it standing by.

Wish us luck.

Delayed Launch

Just because I know some people are waiting to hear about Gus' trip home, I wanted to let you know that it's been delayed a bit. Nothing's wrong, but the doctors felt he could do with a couple more days of observed nursing (since it does tire him out). Also, Wyatt has a bit of a mystery fever (probably just teething). So right now we're scheduled for Sunday.

Homeward Bound

Okay, so you remember how the nurse said she could see Gus coming home in a week? And I poo-poo'ed it as pie-in-the-sky?

Well, a week later, he's scheduled to come home. That's Friday, the 22nd of June.

Crazy as it seems, as quickly as the past ten weeks have gone, he's coming home. Actually, I don't want to jinx it by being definitive. So I'll stick with the more cautionary "he's scheduled to come home".

Starting last Saturday, he really started nursing in earnest, though still not getting enough to be counted as a full feeding. Additional milk was being delivered through his feeding tube. On Sunday, he took a little more by nursing and took the rest from a bottle. That was a nice Father's Day present for me, but not what we're ultimately hoping for, since nursing and pumping would be a schlep (technical term).

On Monday, he nursed even more, but it really tuckered him out, and he had to take the rest from his feeding tube.

But yesterday he was able to nurse almost a complete feeding, and today (Wednesday) he took more than he was "supposed" to. Jamie's been going in from six until midnight, so it's meant long days, but hopefully, it will all be worth it come Friday (as scheduled). I'll keep you posted.

6 pounds 1 ounce

Gus is officially over six pounds. That's certainly good news. Even better is that he hasn't been having as many spells, since they stopped giving him bulking powder in his milk. The idea was to boost his caloric intake, starting basically when he started getting milk in the first place. But apparently some babies tolerate it better than others. And his "reflux" may have simply been a response to that.

So he's able to nurse for longer stretches and take more bottles a day as well. He only gets milk through his feeding tube when he's absolutely bushed.

Also, he's just more awake. When I went to see him yesterday, he was up the entire time, and we just gazed at each other. That was nice, because I actually haven't seen him much at all this week. Without regular daytime Wyatt sitters (my parents are back in Jersey) and Jamie trying to be at the hospital for two feedings a day (6 pm and 9 pm), I've needed to come straight home from work. But it's an important time for Gus, just in terms of breastfeeding.

One of the nurses told me that he might be able to come home next week. But we're choosing not to believe that. Honestly, it's just unfathomable. It would be wonderful, but I think we probably need another couple weeks of him being this stable before we'll be able to treat him like a real boy.

Bordering on 6 Pounds

Officially, Gus is 5 pounds 15 ounces today. So, most likely, tomorrow he'll be 6 pounds.

Not that weight is everything, but it certainly isn't nothing. He's had a generally quiet week. His reflux had been a little worse but has settled down a little over the past couple of days. It's made nursing harder, but he has been taking a bottle. And tonight he managed to breastfeed 10 cc's of milk.

Still no word on when he'll be coming home. That's pretty much tied to eating (for 24 hours straight, without supplement from the feeding tube) and a week of spell-free living. He does still go through dips in his breathing and heart rates, especially after meals and when he has to poop.

They assure us that he won't be coming home until he's absolutely ready. As much as we want him here, we definitely will be looking for that level of comfort. You're paranoid enough as new parents without having to add to the panic.

Anyway, here are a few newer pictures. Jamie made the blanket.

5 pounds 1 ounce

Okay, so Gus is officially bigger than Wyatt was when he came home. I guess that's what you get for lying around all day and having all your meals delivered directly to your stomach.

But that life of luxury seems to be coming to an end. Gus latched on quite well yesterday and took his first drink. Up until then, he'd just been toying with the idea.

Unfortunately, that little bit of effort took a lot out of him, so we will have to take it slow(ly). There's the whole suck, swallow, and breathe coordination required, and the physical effort itself.

He'll continue to breastfeed slowly and supplement with the feeding tube. We weigh him before and after nursing, to see how much milk he actually drinks. Once he's taken to nursing, we'll introduce a bottle as well, so the nurses can feed him that way when Jamie isn't there.

So, overall, there's still progress. Gus has a little bit of reflux, but he's on medication for that. Just one more thing that is not particularly unusual for preemies. We always have to keep in mind the things he's doing now that on average he wouldn't be doing for another month.

The Continuing Care Nursery is definitely a step up, but it's a little cramped. And, because he's growing and in his open bassinet and awake more of the time, it's harder and harder to leave him. It makes us want to bring him home that much more.

But today (and tomorrow) are about Wyatt. It's his 2nd birthday on Monday, so we're having a smallish family party today (Sunday). It would have been bigger, but the weather hasn't cooperated. Still, he deserves some focused attention.

Moving on Up

Gus is now in the CCN (Continuing Care Nursery)! Really, it's just another room down the hall, but like I said the other day, it's smaller and more quiet. He still has a ways to go, but of course it's a step in the right direction. He's also up to 4 lbs. 9 oz., so it really is looking like he'll be bigger than Wyatt was when he came home when he comes home. Lots of unmodified pronouns there, but hopefully you know what I mean.

A friend said she enjoys the updates on Gus but was wondering how the rest of us are doing. So I figured I'd tell you all -- we're doing fine. Obviously, it's been hard and will continue to be. But we're so lucky to have lots of friends, lavishing us with good wishes and good food. The hardest thing has been balancing our time with Wyatt and Gus. Of course, that's going to be a struggle with any second child, but at least when Gus comes home, the balancing act can happen in one place.

Right now Jamie spends most mornings with Wyatt and then heads to the hospital (about 40 minutes away) in the afternoons, then back home for dinner, bath, and bed. That's if babysitters are available. And we've been incredibly fortunate there. My (Ken's) father retired in March, so my parents have been able to come up from New Jersey to pitch in. They've been staying for two weeks (in a motel), then back to Jersey for a week, then back to Maine for another two weeks. We've done that cycle twice, and they're due back again tomorrow for another two weeks. It's wonderful, since they're a steady presence for Wyatt, and also because under normal circumstances, they don't get to spend so much time with their grandchild from The North.

When my parents aren't here, Jamie's mom has been able to come down from her house (about two hours north or here). And our friend Tess and Jamie's sister Jennifer have filled in most of the gaps. When no babysitters are available, Jamie stays home all day and then goes to the hospital at night after I get home from work. Those are my least favorite days, since we don't get to spend any "normal" evenings together, even if it is mostly sitting in front of the TV.

I have it relatively easy by comparison. I have to drive to Portland for work anyway and can usually get to the hospital for an hour or so before heading home for dinner, bath, and bed. It's still a tight schedule, but I don't need to do all the juggling Jamie does. On the weekends, if we have sitter, both Jamie and I get to go to the hospital together, and I get to spend more time with both Gus and Wyatt, which is nice. And it's nice to see Jamie, too. If we don't have a sitter, I'll stay with Wyatt while Jamie goes to the hospital. Those are hard days because I don't get to see Gus, but especially now, as he starts to try nursing, it's more important for Jamie to be with him.

On the whole, Wyatt's been handling all these changes wonderfully. He definitely doesn't like having mom away so much, but he's loving all the special guest stars. Even with the big 2 right around the corner (June 4), he's generally helping out the best way he knows how -- with a big smile. Though we've had some glimpses of the impending storm.

Like I said, it's hard, but it isn't forever. Hopefully, in another month this'll all be a faint memory, and we can get on with our real lives, whatever that means.

Here are some new pictures of the brothers (click to see them bigger):

A Real Bed

We had good news yesterday -- they removed the nasal cannula from Gus' nose. That means he's simply breathing room air without any help, and that now he just has one tube -- his feeding tube -- which is wonderful, because we can really see his face.

Even bigger news is that today they moved him out of the incubator and into a regular bassinet. It's just a good sign of his weight gain and ability to regulate his own temperature. And it's one step closer to the Continuing Care Unit (and then home). The CCU is a little quieter, since the babies there need a little less attention (though there are still nurses on duty 24 hours a day). Before he can officially transfer there, he'll need to have fewer apneic spells (which he is) and be on a lower dosage of caffeine. Yes, caffeine. He's been getting it for a long time, to stimulate his heart and lungs. Hopefully, he won't be addicted or get headaches when he quits.

He's still gearing up to nurse but will hopefully get the hang of that in the next week or two.

That's the gist of the good news. And here is a nice picture one of the nurses (Leslie) took while we were visiting yesterday:

4 Pounds

Gus crossed the four-pound threshold today. Also, they've lowered the pressure on his nasal cannula, and he's been doing fine with that. He has a bit of a stuffy nose, but they think that's just irritation from the tubes, since there are no other signs of infection.

The big news is that he's been trying to nurse a bit. It's early yet -- he's only just at the age where he might be able to coordinate sucking, swallowing, and breathing at the same time. And it'll be longer still until he'll be able to get all his meals from breast or bottle. But these are all steps in the right direction.

3 Pounds 9 Ounces

Gus passed the three-and-a-half pound mark yesterday, which puts him a pound above his birth weight. Really, he's gained most of that in the last couple of weeks. Before we know it, he could be bigger than Wyatt was when he came home (5 pounds).

The other momentous event was his move from one kind of isolette to another. The significance there is simply that they needed the Giraffe for the small preemies. Because now he's a giant and can handle the Air-Shields C2000.

Otherwise, things are pretty status quo, which is fine. He's having fewer apneic spells but is still on the nasal cannula. And he had an eye exam which showed that his retinas are premature (along with the rest of him). That doesn't really mean anything. They'll just have to check again in two weeks. There are always concerns about exposure to oxygen and lights, but this is nothing out of the ordinary.

I think that's it for now.

1 Month Old

Gus is one month old today. Still hard to believe.

He's doing pretty well -- up to 3 lbs. 4 oz. He's back to "eating" large quantities of milk at a time, instead of a constant drip. All the milk is still delivered by a feeding tube, since he can't yet coordinate sucking, swallowing, and breathing (all things we take for granted). 34 weeks is the earliest that would happen, and he's at 32 weeks now.

He's still on the nasal cannula for air pressure, though a lower pressure than before. The apneic spells and bradycardia continue, though not quite as frequently. And a few days ago, he needed to have a transfusion, because he was a bit anemic. None of this is outside the realm of normal preemie behavior, though.

That's the gist of what's going on.

3 Pounds

This is always subject to change (depending on what he outputs), but Gus hit the three-pound mark yesterday!

On top of that, he's been doing pretty well. He's through the antibiotics for his eye infection (which has cleared up), so no IVs for now. He's still on the nasal cannula, but only with room air (for the pressure). And they will gradually lower the pressure over the next couple of days to see how he does. He still has some spells of apnea, but definitely not as many.

We've also put a sound machine in his isolette (incubator), so he gets the soothing sounds of the womb throughout the day. Not as good as the real thing, but it's the best we could do.

Thanks again for all your good wishes and food. We're all doing alright. Why, just this morning, Jamie, Wyatt, and I went to a playground. And it felt downright normal. Though it'll definitely be nice to have Gus as a regular fixture in that normality.

Three Weeks Old

Gus had a good day today, after not such a good day yesterday. Mostly, it's the apnea which is concerning. But he's now on nasal cannula, which provides a bit of pressure, like CPAP, and a little oxygen, but is much less intrusive. He's lost a little weight, after a big poop, but has gained some of it back.

Anyway, it's hard to believe it's been three weeks now. Jamie says, "Please keep sending (and thank you for) the good mojo."

Here's another picture, to satisfy the fans:

Update and a Picture

We've had a pretty good weekend. Gus is no longer on the CPAP, which means we can see his face clearly and both had a chance to "kangaroo" him today. That just means we put him down our shirts, skin to skin. It's nice for us and him. He's still having some spells of apnea, but not as many. Also, he's up to a gargantuan 1.23 kilograms (roughly 2 pounds 11 ounces). Everything's metric -- Canada's attempt to take over the country, one preemie at a time.

He does have a bit of an eye infection and is on antibiotics for that. But that's the most noteworthy development. And the less noteworthy, the better, as far as we're concerned.

Anyway, here's a picture we think captures him well -- little but gentle:

Two Weeks Old

Gus was two weeks old Wednesday, which is pretty hard to believe.

He's come a long way from where he was, but he definitely has a ways to go. While he has not needed a breathing tube for quite awhile (Day 2), his breathing is closely monitored, as he suffers from regular bouts of apnea, during which he stops breathing. This is not unusual for preemies, but it's concerning to watch, nevertheless. He's been off and on CPAP, with little prongs (everything's little) up his nose, providing some pressure to his lungs. But he's still just breathing room air, which is good. And the CPAP is at least helping with the apnea. But the gear takes up most of his head (since the tubes are pinned to a hat).

For awhile, he needed to be under lights, because his bilirubin count was high, but his Jaundice has settled. Not that he ever looked yellow, mostly purple. Now he has a very nice tone. The goggles he had to wear under the lights were mildly amusing, but it's nice to see his eyes now, though that's pretty much all we can see of his face now (see CPAP).

He also has a PDA, an arterial valve which hasn't closed properly, though the most recent echocardiogram shows it to be making progress. This is also not that unusual for preemies but something that will need to be monitored. Everything is monitored.

The bottom line is that he's doing pretty well under the circumstances. And he's getting milk (through a feeding tube) which is great, because Jamie's been pumping furiously, and it's full of good stuff.

Sorry for all the Wikipedia links, but it's certainly easier to link than explain. And knowledge is power. And knowing is half the battle.

First Post

This is just a placeholder for what's to come. I'll try to make fairly regular updates for interested parties. We really do appreciate everyone's concern; it's just hard to find the time.